Hello, Durban Poison!
I'm not particularly good at reviewing poetry, but I'll give it a try. I really liked the whole concept of this poem, and I connected with it a lot! I also loved how it was optimistic and gave a sense of importance to humans. You made your case quite nicely.
There were some parts where I felt a little confused, but it might be because I didn't relate to it. For example, the line "Everything has gone according as planned, healing can begin so wounds may mend" seemed out of place. There weren't many instances, but a few felt detached and not connected with the main idea. For me, it would fit better if you tied it with our thoughts. Maybe "Realizing that things have gone as planned can allow healing wounds to mend." Of course, you are not obligated to make this change if you prefer the original.
Another preference that I have is the part " somewhere it happened like you knew." I personally like just "somewhere it happened." Again, you don't have to make any of these changes; these are merely my suggestions. I have two more small suggestions, but you don't have to take any of them! I enjoyed reading the entire piece a lot, and these are only tiny personal recommendations.
The things we say or do, or even think or speak.
You mention "the things we say," but you also have "or speak." You could replace "speak" with "feel."
Our world is small so we are smaller, yet smaller still exists a world, for those with smaller stature, as we are the world to some.
I can't tell you how much I love this!! I've read it so many times, and the only thing that bothers me is "as we are the world to some." I favor "are the world to some."
I sincerely hope these suggestions that offend you in any way and that they don't take away from the message of this poem. I truly adored this poem and its subject. I would love to read some more of your writing!
Good Job!
Cici
Points: 2820
Reviews: 23
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